pencilnpaper

Mork Calling Orson: Breakups

2011-02-01T09:18:00.004-06:00

I played tennis last night with a new person to play tennis with. I don't have an abbreviation for her yet. This person is a very good player! Also, we moved here from the same town, at about the same time. We share the same frustration with the local tennis establishment. The similarities are striking. OGF (office girlfriend) introduced us, but she didn't tell me about the back story.

I've been writing quite well - with upcoming deadlines. Feels good to be productive. I've been going into the office, which is nice for a while. The MBA course planning is coming along nicely. All things on the house front are fine, although it will have to take a break until after deadlines.

Relationships: can't live with, can't live without. I experienced a break-up recently. A risky experience here in this town. The risk is that I won't have companionship. Then I met ntg (new tennis girlfriend) - ah, there it is, the abbreviation, the acronym - and while that is not the same companionship as ex-boyfriend, relationships are starting.

Breakups. What can you do? There can be feelings of sadness, disappointment, and regret. Then there can be analysis: what went wrong? who's fault? was this inevitable? why were we together in the first place? is this the same as the last break-up? Why did the process of the break-up have to happen so fast? I don't understand the notion of not talking in relationships, especially on the part of men. A little expression of conflict does some good. It does me some good, at least.

We ran into each other at a concert Saturday night, walking to the theater. His friend was polite, I was polite to the friend; the ex sent me daggers in his gestures, and it hurt. How did things go so fast to this state? It isn't the worst break-up I've had, but yikes, I don't like the daggers.

I don't think tennis friendships will end up in daggers.

Bliss

2011-01-19T12:51:00.001-06:00

Happiness is writing at home in my sweatpants. Housekeeper A (HA) is preparing my dinner and I am plugged into my mp3 player.

2010-12-16T08:49:00.002-06:00

The semester's teaching is over. I am waiting for the TA to complete grading. I am looking at a manuscript for revision with co-authors. Time for writing until March 21.

My Dad died in October, and although I really don't want to write about it, I can't start writing about anything else until I address that. I wondered what it will be like emotionally to have 3 months off teaching for manuscript writing. I guess I know now: just every morning, time writing about Dad and then the rest of the day for work, etc.

I like to listen to radio stations from allover...

2010-04-26T10:40:00.002-05:00

Here is a link to blog that reviews the top college radio stations in the US (2010). I've got a squeezebox and enjoy listening to the stations...

http://spinningindie.blogspot.com/2009/07/princeton-reviews-best-college-radio.html

Chicago

2010-04-22T05:15:00.007-05:00

I had seen an excellent concert (Bill Callahan) at The Hideout last time I was in Chicago. I also stayed at Marina Towers, as in the Wilco album cover. There are lots of hipsters at The Hideout, which seems to be the new generation and style, and lots of people our age. You don't know if the people who are our age are living at home with Mommy or are prominent brain surgeons at Northwestern Hospital. It's a laid-back place. There was a waitress who could have performed on the stage of Lincoln Center: the tray of beer glasses she carried defied gravity. It is also off the beaten path. I like it. I had been to Bin Wine Cafe in March, a restaurant that I now realize is down the street from where a nice sandwich shop called Birchwood Kitchen is. I went with some girlfriends of mine who are marketing professors in Chicago. They are married, but the husbands were not with us. Over dinner, we talked about a research project on GenX and gender. We went out later to a bar (Salud) and casually talked to some young men. They asked us what we did, we told them, and we told them about our research project. They acted knowing, as if they had heard this "business school professor" story all the time, the way a group of women will sometimes compose a fake identity to make going out even more of a group event and a game: “tonight, let’s pretend we are all marketing professors in business schools.” And we are really, I don’t know, friends from high school, and we work in PR, as a yoga instructor, and a lawyer, and we couldn’t get people to believe our professor story, not even by talking about our research.

After 9 months in SB (or, gay men)

2010-04-20T08:31:00.019-05:00

David Sedaris last night at the Morris Center with OGF (office girlfriend) and TGF (tennis girlfriend). David Sedaris performed quite well, he was ebullient. The crowd: admiring.

OGF mentioned that the quote of the night was "If God didn't like gay people, then he wouldn't have made them so cute." There were lots of laughs, and a la Sedaris, emotions, and many times one can see one's life in his larger-than-life stories. One story of family argued that we can't know who we are or measure success or understand ourselves without family. We can, it is just really, really hard.

Back to cute gay people and my life...that is, my new life here in SB...Recently, a woman I know from work, whom the readers of this blog don't know. We talked about life in SB, and she, after coming here for the PhD ten years back, marrying someone who is now a prof here, and committing to stay here, had the observation that it can seem like a place with people who are not from many walks of life, mostly married people with large families. She mentioned to me all of the activities in SB this spring/summer, framing them as good opportunities to meet a boyfriend. I said, well, those sound like nice activities, and I would probably enjoy going to them if I had a friend to go to them with. She replied that, oh, when she gets home from work, that's it, she doesn't really like to go out. I said, well, um, and I can't relax at home because I'm single? I can't do what I like because I am single and should devote my time and energy to changing this? I like men, I'm saying that relationships with men aren't something you get because you participate in "Bike the Bend" or other such activities.

On the way back to work, in the car, she told me a story about a single woman who came to SB for work, and how it didn't work out. The story is outlandish, perhaps an urban myth, the woman is a professor, wants a child, isn't married, doesn't see any men on the horizon, is artificially inseminated, etc, finds another job, with tenure, at a less prestigious University. I think I was supposed to reply that, indeed, this place is stacked against me, this career, or this place is just for married men with wives dedicated to supporting them and their work. Instead, I replied that the woman is brilliant, playing the academic system for tenure, and still getting a child she wanted.

I realized that I need to find other company, company that is open-minded, not negative, capable of carving out their own path. That night, I took myself to a Chinese restaurant nearby for some take-away. I liked the atmosphere, especially the table of three handsome men slightly older than I, just by the cashier where I ordered my take-away. They set the relaxed, conversational atmosphere of the place. I took a table nearby them so that I could ease drop, and I changed my order to dine-in.

As I ate, I debated how to approach them. I wanted to do it at the meal, I wanted to eat with them. I discretely observed them. I tended to my pretend other friends, to whom I sent and received pretend text messages about our pretend plans for later on. Their table is clear except for drinks, cell phones, and keys. I watched them linger and talk.

I watched them at the cashier, paying. I realized this is a good time to approach them as they still feel like a group of gay men at dinner, but they are coming back to individual status, so I can approach them one-on-one. I identified the Alpha in the group. He's in the middle, he's moderating their group action, there is a group conversation about his clothes.

I approach Alpha Gay (who is now Alpha Gay Friend, AGF), and I say, "I'm new in town, and when I see your group at dinner, I know that I live in a civilized place." He replies, thank you, I'm AGF, and these are my friends, RGF and GDF. Where are you from? We talk and then I am very happy when I return to my table and they walk out.

I wait about 10 minutes to walk out. I need to give them time to exit. In the parking lot, AGF and RGF are there, talking at AGF's car, a black Beatle. They approach me and mention that their group dines together every Thursday at 7pm, and would I like to join them. We agree to meet the next week and exchange numbers. A nice get-to-know you evening. I don't mention any of the drama about the lunch.

AGF is receiving his certification in American Sign Language and hopes to become a court interpreter. He grew up in two cultures as his parents are deaf and he and his sister are hearing. I grew up in two cultures, I am bi-lingual. NGF has been sober for 15 years, is now very established in commercial real estate in SB. He lives three blocks north of my house (Northneighbor Gay Friend). We talk about decorating, relationships, etc. AGF has ten sets of plates, including a set of Christmas Eve dinner. That's right, AFG has a Christmas set and a Christmas Eve set.

The next week, we eat at a restaurant on the river. It reminds me of The Star in P-town. Here they ask me, what motivated you to approach us that night at the Chinese restaurant? After hearing the story of my strategy of approaching them out of the blue, RGF sums it up: one thing you have in common with us is balls.

He also said, asking you about your single status is like asking married people, well, you've had your kids, now when are you getting the divorce? Ooh, that is true, isn't it. I came home and changed my fb status from nothing to single. I'm single, that is a state, it isn't something in-between, it is its own state. It isn't a task to fix it.

I really tried in the typical ways to build a life here, joining the racket club, for example, or making nice with colleagues. The racket club worked in that I met TGF. I've also learned that I can't tolerate anything I don't enjoy, that feels like a waste of time, even if it feels like I should be doing it. I quit playing there, it isn't athletic enough for me. I joined another group, very competitive and relaxing, and I'll tell you about that group later. Making nice with colleagues worked in that I met OGF and others, and I learned the difference between me and other women in my situation, and how I like to keep on my side of that difference.

I like sitting by the river with a group of gay men, laughing. I like competitive tennis and I like going to see David Sedaris with F (friends).

Spring...

2010-04-19T09:48:00.002-05:00

New tennis group. The name of the coach in this group is R. The group competes against other groups. The group is level 3.5-4. I and another woman, C., practice with the men, Sunday and Tuesday. Last night, at the start of practice, R. says:

"Bring it in at the net" (translate=we meet at the net and I instruct you)

"The men in this group try to hit kill shots. This isn't smart because the shots often go out. Also, in doubles, the opponent's net person will take that power and kill you back with it, or the baseliner will hit a lob...

The women in this group are much smarter. They do not hit the kill shots. They place shots, and they use their opponent's vulnerabilities against them"

Me, to myself, oh, I like this.

R. "Today, we will play men against women and you will see what I mean"

Later in practice, we play a set, with mixed men and women.

R. "We will use this strategy, S (male) you stay at the net, and use your backspin, and poach. K., you use your brains, you are the brains on the court, you place the ball, and you set up S. at the net."

Me, to myself, great.

And we played great tennis, and after, I played some games with C., and that was fun.

Other: I don't like the local farmer's market. It's kitsch. And there is a good vegetable stand, but otherwise, kitsch. And the restaurant there isn't that good. I liked the one in Urbana better, and of course, dolac.

The weather is great and my garden in blooming. I'm having the garden beds tended to this week and some lilies planted.

Borovo Nova Borosana

2009-11-12T14:39:00.002-06:00

Borovo Nova Borosana

TF = tennis friend

2009-11-10T11:59:00.003-06:00

to the small joys in life: this morning, I played tennis with my new tennis partner and we are a very good match. her name is TF, tennis friend. she invited me to an art exhibit and we are going thursday.
after tennis, I went to Matrin's deli. Martin's is a supermarket near my house and campus. They have a deli. They also write their name in the same font a dentist or Count Chocula would use. My friend Jamie made that observation.

There was a 15 minute wait for my lunch (I ordered some chicken to go; the chicken had some time left in the oven.) I ordered a coffee and sat in the cafe. I pulled from my purse an academic article I needed to read by noon anyway. Lady Professors are always needing to read articles and they always carry them in their purses. I sat down and drank my coffee and read and eavesdropped. I enjoy eavesdropping. I overheard a table of really old men talking about Saturday's football game. The loss against Navy. I observed the group when I had entered the deli part of the grocery store. I had also observed a man sitting at the table beside the old men. He looked young and tall and strong and dressed in Notre Dame hat and sweats. I wondered if he were a bodyguard/driver for one of the old men and if Fr. Hessberg was in the group. He left, but I'm not sure if he left with one of the old men.

I finished my reading, my coffee, and purchased my chicken lunch and left.

Farmer's Markets and Local Food

2009-10-26T14:13:00.002-05:00

People around me talk a lot about the local farmer's market and supporting it.

I like local food because I like the taste of good food and it tastes better than the alternatives. I don't like to be told that I'm supporting "local farmers." Why? Because I pay them money for what they sell me. I'm supposed to care about local business. It is the nice lefty thing to do. Honestly, I'm not a nice lefty. I just like to eat well. I hate the political analysis of so much of life: what you are doing is either Marxist or not, either appropriate or not... What if I just like to eat well, and would like to not have to make it political? Please, let me enjoy this without any interpretation...

Now, you might say that I should care about them, because without them, my taste buds are sad. I need them. They need me, too, because they need sales.

The asymmetry is that local business / farmers don't seem to care about my career. They never ask, how is that journal article coming along? If I care about their business, it is a one-way street. I would like to ask the people who think it is all about supporting local farmers and Marxist farming politics this: why should they care about my career, as they have a business to run and are occupied with that.

Home sick

2009-10-07T14:16:00.006-05:00

These are things I would like to do today while I am home sick today and probably tomorrow, too

1. Write a letter to Aleksandar Hemon.

I have been planning this letter for some time. In this letter, I will tell him that I know exactly what he is talking about when he writes about how his mother curled his hair behind his ear when he was little. I knew the phenomenon bit not the words for it. I also didn't know if other people's mothers did that, too. I also didn't know if that was just a thing that Croatian mothers do. I usually would say to the person I wanted to do that to me (a boyfriend), please do like this, and show him how to curl my hair behind my ear. Now, I can say, "please curl my hair behind my ear."

(I wonder if I say "please curl my hair behind my ear" to an American boyfriend, if he will know what I'm talking about, without a demonstration?)

Also, in this letter, I will tell him that when I read his short stories, I have to cover the last sentences with my hand so that I can enjoy the process of reading it more. There is the excitement as I move towards the end of the chapter, and exhaustion after the last sentence. Yes, this does remind me of some relationships.

I will write that I read passages out loud to the students in my International Marketing class, and that they were transfixed to learn his views of the US (from The Lazarus Project, writing about his wife at baseball games) and his memories of Sarajevo society.

2. Rest and relax. Wear my sweatpants and sweatshirt. Dream of the perfect paint color for my bedroom walls. I've probably got this cold from working too much and from insomnia.

3. Look at my art books. Sit outside if I can. Watch tv, but not a mind-numbing about.

4. There are other things I could do and would like to do while home sick. I can't think of them right now. I wish Hemon would email me a book right now.

pencilnpaper: Sta ima?

2009-09-02T22:05:00.000-05:00

pencilnpaper: Sta ima?

Sta ima?

2009-09-02T21:27:00.009-05:00

I've been busy. Moving, and starting the new job, vacation, teaching started two weeks ago. I thought about you the whole time. All the things I wanted to tell you. Things happened, and my reaction made me think of you. I like how things seem important when I feel like telling you about them. How would I tell you the story? How would I frame the narrative? You are a good blog.

About those first days living in South Bend, when I would ride my bike around town, from about 8-10pm. The days were so long because I live in the eastern time zone. And a river, water, finally, thankfully, again, water. To live with some sort of barrier there. And it is a barrier that takes us away to more unknowns and brings the same to us. You can sit there on its banks and it could just show up, like the part of the sitcom that will finally get good.

And those were really sweet moments. How I would wear my turtle bag strapped across my chest, and put my garage door opener in it, because that is the easiest way to get on my bike and go, through my attached garage. The South Bend map I bought the month prior, in May, when Mom and I arrived to look for a house. And how meticulous I would be in my thoughts about safety - some identification, garage door opener, cell phone. Just in case. Just in case.

It isn't that hard to get around now. I didn't take the map on the bike ride Monday. I didn't think about carrying identification. I used to do that in Zagreb, carry identification. In case something happened, if they find me, they would know whose I am. I am kind to strangers and I plan ahead.

It was the mover, Tom, who told me about the bike trail on the St. Joe river. "You just go all the way to Eddy, take a left to Jefferson, and then go right, and it's right there." He saw my bike and told me about it. Tom who packed my house and I think about him every time I empty a box. I can still tell the difference between the rooms and boxes Tom packed and Tommy packed. Tommy is Tom's son.

I know those are their names because that's how they introduced themselves to me.

And when they came to unload the truck in the new house, Tom complimented my on the house. He told me how to take care of the floors, how to unpack the boxes that contained mirrors. He told me which hardware store to visit, and what to buy (something to keep the door from hitting the wall when I open the door). Go to ACE hardware by John Adams high school. That's where I went to high school. Don't go to Lowe's. He talked to me about swimming, because he saw my trophy and the article from the newspaper about the time Mom and I swam the Ohio together. He told me that he grew up swimming in the St. Joe River, and that people think it is really dirty, but he doesn't.

I signed the papers after the move-in. I sat at my desk, and we overlooked the back yard. He asked me if I would get a yard. The space of the lawn and the fence makes you want to. I talked about my dream of a boxer just like the one I used to have, when I was little. But that I'll need to wait on that. He said he can't get another dog. He had his Mom's after she died. He can't have another one again. He had to put that dog down after several years, and he can't go through that again.

Tommy wasn't there for the move-in. That's how I know that they were telling me the truth that they are father-son. Not that Tommy is as brilliant a mover as his father. He has years of experience to gain first. The one who worked with Tom for the move-in didn't have the same respect for Tom as Tommy did. He didn't listen to him or wait for him, the way Tommy did.

Those were nice evenings, biking. And letting the prior months of dissertation writing and all the dramas run their course. I didn't write you then because I wanted my quiet, I wanted my peace, I wanted my thoughts for myself. I wanted every feeling, emotion, experience, sensation, for me.

Then the trip to Croatia: Zagreb and Hvar. You saw the photos on facebook. It felt that a door to the PhD research phase, that status, was over. I could feel myself walking and the new doors opening, in Zagreb. I gave a lecture Monday about space and time as factors in cultural dynamics. Inner and outward territorial cultures. Cultures that easily let others in, with few criteria, those that have insurmountable criteria. I think I'm no longer in the insurmountable criteria category. I got there when I got there. I can open the border. New spaces in old relationships.

Teaching. Today, I can celebrate two weeks of teaching. I thought that the hard work was over after the dissertation. No, I didn't think that. I'm surprised about the pace. Even faster than graduate school. Even more. And I wanted something to be easier. Maybe it is the relationships, with my ways of teaching, with the students. Exhausting. I thought the pace of dissertation writing was grueling. Sometimes people are addicted to their ambitions and success.

Your whole life changes when you move from graduate school job market - assistant professor job - dissertation finished - job started. The habits, the work habits, go with you. That part changes less.

I'm reading Aleksandar Hemon (The Lazarus Project) now. I am falling in love. And when it happens through reading, that's a great seduction.

I'll fall asleep soon...more later

Balkan Barbie http://balkanbarbie.blogspot.com/

2008-05-04T12:49:00.003-05:00

Dear Readers,
I decided to change the name of the blog to Balkan Barbie. The only way I can do that and maintain the posts here on pencilnpaper is to continue the blog at:

http://balkanbarbie.blogspot.com/

I like the Balkan Barbie name. It is a title of an academic article I published in 2004. Plus, it is a nice twist and sounds nice out loud. I liked pencilnpaper, too, since I write, and I like to write with those tools, and it sort of reminds me of "the good old days." I think the time has come to integrate my love of writing, my personal identity, with my professional and more public writing.

I hope you will make the journey with me to Balkan Barbie.

Balkan Barbie

2008-05-04T05:43:00.002-05:00

I am considering renaming this blog from pencilnpaper to "Balkan Barbie" - would you all still be able to locate it? Do let me know - am still learning how blog technology works.

It is a name that links in to my research on women and the region. I like how it sounds and I think it is humorous.

Ok, and yes, I think it would make the blog quite mainstream, maybe earn some interesting hits, and I would like that attention. I like writing.

Memories of GenX Childhood

2008-04-30T16:04:00.010-05:00

Song from GenX childhood in the USA:

Why do we always come here
I guess we'll never know
It's like some kind of torture
To have to watch the show

-from the Muppet Show, (1976-1981) sung by the two critics sitting in their box in the opening of the show (as shown in this photo).

My sister was born 5 years before I was. We watched this show together when I was little. I have an image of us sitting on the floor, in front of the TV, in the living room. We aren't sitting Indian style, but on our heels. My Yoga video calls it "Child's Pose."

The opening part of the show, specifically the lines by the critics, always made us laugh. The voices and notes of this verse of the song were off compared to the rest.

Did you realize as you were watching that the show is a parody? It makes sense now.

By the way, GenX means people born between about 1965 and about 1982.
http://balkanbarbie.blogspot.com/

Romantic Comedies, How Love Starts

2008-04-28T07:53:00.007-05:00

I watched this movie over the weekend: Stranger than Fiction with Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Emma Thompson, and Dustin Hofman dir. Marc Forster (2006). I really enjoyed it.

Last week, I watched Jet Lag Décalage horaire- very nice (2002). It is with Juliette Binoche and Jean Reno, dir. Daniele Thompson. French with English subtitles.

Both movies/films are romantic comedies.

There are scenes in Stranger than Fiction in which I felt tense, and in other scenes like crying, others laughing, others just thinking about all of the elements that are coming together to make a great scene.

Both movies/films make the argument that lovers often start out despising each other. They meet repeatedly by chance, and something brings them together. Perhaps this is true. I think of someone I despise but also find attractive, and meet often by chance. I am certain he also despises me. Nothing has brought us together so far, however. This story has been going on for some time. I am quite sure no change will come. That is OK with me.

In "Stranger than Fiction", Karen Eiffel, a writer (Emma Thompson), narrates Harold Crick's life (Will Ferrell). I won't go into that except to say, we narrate our own lives, but what if an omnipotent third person narrated instead? It poses the question, "Little did he know" and if he knew, would he do it anyway? A bit of the philosophical questions of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." He learns of a great unhappiness and he has a choice about it, he does not learn of a great happiness, he has no choice about it, it happens.

In "Jet Lag," great unhappiness or bad luck is washed away through meeting someone new. We stay with someone because of our fears, we stay with others because of our courage and faith.

I received these movies from Netflix - a service I recommend.

Sophie Dahl: model, writer

2008-04-23T09:33:00.009-05:00

Sophie Dahl is a writer and model. She is also British and the granddaughter of Ronald Dahl. Who didn't love "James and the Giant Peach"? I started reading it this fall, it works for adults, too.

Sophie Dahl just wrote her first book, Playing with the Grown-ups, and in an interview, she is talking about how it is a good first book, and she's glad she got it out of the way. That is how it feels right now, as I write my dissertation.

Sophie Dahl is a model. She was discovered walking down a London street at age 18. Her large, wide-set eyes, height (6"), and curves (a 38DD breast size) set her apart. She borders on the plus size for models, although she has lost weight since then (her age is now 30). I am tall, not as tall as she is, I have nice eyes, not as large as hers, I have some curves, but not her proportions. In the moment, I am working off 8 pounds I gained this winter (about 3kilos, about two inches on my waist-yikes). I live in a backwoods place, not London, and my grandfather wasn't an author.

Sophie Dahl also modeled for Opium perfume by YSL. I read that this ad, pictured here, was on billboards in France and the UK. It was banned shortly after first display. Reports don't exactly say what it is that is bad about it. I think it is fantastic. It is very erotic, but not vulgar or degrading to women or good taste. I wouldn't mind having an experience similar to the one she suggests in the billboard photos.

Here is the billboard:

Happy Passover!

2008-04-22T16:49:00.001-05:00

Museum of Broken Relationships, Pride, Tableware

2008-04-20T10:33:00.004-05:00

Hello, and thank you to my friends who have emailed me off the blog to let me know they liked hearing about the Museum of Broken Relationships and are awaiting the interview on NPR with the artists, Olinka Vištica and Drazen Grubišić.

Here is the NPR* story on the Museum of Broken Relationships, with an interview with the artists. It is very charming. I found it took a bit of navigating the NPR web site to find the story, so I have posted the link here or here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89785613

I really liked the interview because I like the idea of a Museum of Broken Relationships and because the dynamic of the interview, especially the way the artists talked about their work, reminded me of the artistic culture in Zagreb. Well, and what broken relationships feel like in general, but in Zagreb specifically.

I lived in Zagreb recently. Also, my parents are from there. I conducted my PhD research there. I study consumer emotions, specifically pride, as they are felt during the ritual of the family meal, using tableware. I focus on pride as it relates to feelings of the self and status.

I especially focus on women's feelings of pride as they relate to tableware. That is one more reason I like this museum. Women who have been in a marriage for twenty years are proud to have a set of plates that serves twelve, expensive or not, and to have had it since the start of their marriage. They are proud when the set is in tact. Nothing in that precious set was thrown against the wall or on the floor in a fit of anger. Maybe other things were thrown, but not that. The set was kept together, the marriage was kept together.

NPR* is, in short, a radio programming organization. They provide news and other content. They are a public organization.

Museum of Broken Relationships

2008-04-19T10:08:00.005-05:00

Have you heard about the Museum Of Broken Relationships? I heard about it this morning on NPR's weekend edition. Actually, someone dear to me told me about it a while ago.

More later about my experience listening to the interview, how nice it is to hear Croatian artists on the radio in the US, how it reminds me of something I know from Zagreb. For now, I have an appointment with a masseur in 15 minutes and I have to go (yes, a change from my usual Saturday schedule, more later about that). For now...

Here is the text from the Museum web site (http://www.brokenships.com/about.php)

A museum dedicated to broken hearts has recently been founded in Croatia. Author's of the concept Olinka Vištica and Drazen Grubišić decided to set up the museum after consoling friends over their failed romances.
The museum has everything from romantic and touching letters to different gifts given to lovers like teddy bears and photos, but also such unusual examples as leg prothesis donated by a war veteran who fell in love with his physiotherapist or a gall stone. Every single object on display is anonymous, and has a short description of the item related to the relationship that was behind. That's why it could be therapeutic for those with newly broken hearts."

The Museum of Broken Relationships is an art concept which proceeds from the assumption that objects possess integrated fields - holograms of memories and emotions - and intends with its layout to create a space of secure memory or protected remembrance in order to preserve the material and nonmaterial heritage of broken relationships.

Unlike the destructive self-help instructions for recovery from failed loves, the Museum offers every individual the chance to overcome the emotional collapse through creation, i.e., by contributing to the holdings of the Museum. The individual gets rid of controversial objects , triggers of momentarily undesirable emotions, by turning them into museum exhibits, i.e., artefacts and thereby participating in the creation of a preserved collective emotional history.

After the success of the first display in Zagreb this unique museum is going on world tour.

Tremors II

2008-04-18T10:15:00.001-05:00

Just felt another earthquake, right here, at my desk, as I am working on my dissertation ... even some aftershocks.

Tremors

2008-04-18T09:40:00.003-05:00

Yes, I was already awake for the earthquake at 4.21am today. Writing a dissertation will make you sleepless.

I was on the phone with a friend in Europe. I thought what he was telling me was making my house shake. But it wasn't, it was the earthquake.

I 5.2 earthquake will make you think your house is falling down on you and make your heart jump. It will make you turn on the radio to the weather station for information. It will make you turn on the light to make sure you still have power. It is really, really, exciting.

Anger, Angry, Fight

2008-04-17T13:23:00.004-05:00

We feel anger and we want to fight. Afterwards, we ask, was it worth it, what was it about? Usually, it is about nothing related to the topic of the fight. Is it worth it? Are you trying to achieve something with your emotions?What is the it? It is usually energy spent.

You ask yourself, I am angry, so what do I do with it? Does it make sense to be angry at someone and be all alone. Is it worth the energy it takes to confront them, to go to the next level? Are they worth it? Maybe you confront them for yourself. As in my case today, showing anger is a way to communicate. To say, this is my limit, and do not go past it.

The other party will always say in reply, "But I didn't mean it." And then it makes you look as if you overreacted to nothing. However, we react to what was said, and it always refers to our own feelings about our selves and our lives at that moment. So it is stupid to say, "I didn't mean it." See all the emotional work that goes into anger?

Then, I have to reply, really, you didn't mean what you said, or its implied meaning, then why did you say anything at all? What is your real agenda here and why are you leaving me to figure it out. And I think, is that why I am angry? I am not sure what sense we can make of our emotions.

I have heard anger, like all emotions, always involve shame and keeping face. If someone says "I didn't mean it that way," is that like trying to take away the legitimacy of their anger? You might clear up your position by saying that, save your face, but is it really going to help the angry person? They, too, need to save face. They may or may not want to go to the next leave with their anger, which is violence. What is the next step from anger, one that isn't violent? How do you both save face? Can you?

Tennis

2008-04-16T19:38:00.003-05:00

I played tennis outside today. A spring afternoon, green grass, sunny, blue sky. Windy and hard to serve.
PS. I won the match.

Something very American

2008-04-15T12:44:00.002-05:00

How to move around Zagreb

2008-04-14T12:08:00.004-05:00

I found this as I was cleaning out my purse recently. A tram card from my January 2008 trip to Zagreb. This is how I move around town, for example, from my apartment in Britanac to my cousin's in Mercusevac (tram 11 or 6 or 1 to the square, then tram 14 to the end, then the bus to Mercusevac). I can also take tram 1 (my favorite line) from Britanac to the Ekonomski Fakultet.

There are some times of day in which traffic in central Zagreb is too congested and hostile to take the tram. Just walk, or go to a cafe and wait. The trams in Zagreb, you see, run on lines that are on the street - the street and the trams share lanes - too much activity. And central Zagreb, or even its surroundings were not built to handle the traffic - the amount of people and cars - on them today. They were built in the 1970s and early 1980s when not everyone had a car. When, in the 80s, some license plate numbers were allowed to drive on some days and not on others. And now, everyone in Zagreb wants, perhaps needs, a car to get around. The city is spread out. And this traffic is not just to move through, or to and from, the suburbs, but to and from, and within the city center. It moves slowly.

It is nice to have a car, especially if that is the only big luxury you can afford. The luxury is not simply owning the car, or moving your body around the city, fast, but the experience of driving versus riding in the tram car. Even if the traffic in Zagreb is congested, and grates on the nerves, at least, in your car, you do not have to ride with the hoi poi. Sometimes, what I see and experience on the tram is disturbing.

I saw a married pair with a child, who must have been about age 3. I was with my Aunt, aged about 70, from a Zagreb of another time and place. The summer, sunny and hot, at least tram 11 now has the modern cars with air conditioning. We smelled this pair more than we saw them or shared space with them. The mother nursed her three year old on the tram. They were talking a language I could not understand, loudly. My Aunt was shocked and gave me such a look. Not fear of personal safety as you might have as a typical emotion in the USA from seeing something so unusual in public. But, what is this world, this place, this society, coming to, and where is it going? Not confusion, but shame and frustration.

I see many old women fight to get on and off the tram, fight for seats, I think I learned some of this from them, to use in other situations. But still, why do they fight, why are people not acceding to them? Wouldn't that be nice? And the general anxiety of that. The younger generation, I see them when I am traveling to and from the University, seems less anxious this way, they are socializing, gossiping through text messages or on the phone.

Then, there is the phenomenon of the ticket controllers. Very embarrassing to be caught, not worth it. Anyway, people who are there and not paying into the system should at least may their tram ticket. I once told an American who was a diplomat posted there and riding the tram with me and not paying a ticket.

Quote

2008-04-12T14:33:00.001-05:00

The problem with self-improvement is knowing when to quit. - David Lee Roth

What I do on Saturdays

2008-04-12T13:56:00.002-05:00

Here is what I do on Saturdays.
Well, I should start with Friday nights because that influences when and in what condition I wake up on Saturday.

On Fridays, I usually have a dissertation writing deadline - a chapter or an outline of a chapter. I am exhausted.

Friday nights, my neighbors, a married couple with a four month old son, come over and we watch a movie that I have received from Netflix. The man, we will call him A., and I usually drink some wine, he more wine than I, and the woman, K., doesn't drink because she is breastfeeding. We talk for a while and then start the movie.

I usually hold the baby, C., and he falls asleep and then I fall asleep in the middle of the movie. I wake up towards the end of the movie. Neighbors return to their home, I go to bed. It is around 12 or 1am. Most weeknights, I am asleep by 11pm. I would make it earlier, but watching Colbert Report often keeps me up.

I may or may not be tired in the morning from this (wine).

I wake up between 8.30 and 9, put on some sweats, brush the teeth, and walk to the end of the driveway to pick up the weekend edition of the Financial Times. My favorite paper.

I read about half of the paper over four cups of coffee and a croissant. I have a system for reading the paper, but that will have to wait for another time, since it is a tangent, although quite interesting, I have already set the theme for this post...

The, I drive to Meijer, the grocery store, buy a coffee or tea from the Starbucks stand, and buy my groceries. This is where I buy fruits and vegetables and dry foods - oatmeal, etc. I like to be there by around 10.30, before the crowds have picked over the good green beans, and before the line at the cashier is too long and time consuming. Then, I may drive to Schnucks and buy some fish or meat, and go home and prepare it.

After lunch, I like to listen to Miles Davis' Kind of Blue on my record player and then finish off the paper and have a nap. Not today because of the dissertation. Chapter Three, Methods, outline is due Friday 18 April.

I bought REM Accelerate this morning on the way home from Schnuck's at Exile on Main Street in Champaign. It is good, but not the overwhelming experience I anticipated at first listening. Their sounds still resonates with me.

I like to swim on Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

It is also usually the time I vacuum, clean the bathroom, or pick up my room, straighten up, etc. Sometimes, that is delayed for Sunday.

If I go out Friday, then usually not on Saturday, but maybe Sunday night, as it is a good time to let off steam.

Hillary and Bosnia

2008-04-11T10:55:00.004-05:00

I guess you all know about the Democrat Party primary here in the USA. Obama and Clinton. Hillary Clinton. Not much difference between the two except for gender and race. Plus, Clinton says she will return to the good old days of her husband's presidency, while Obama says he will bring in change. He does not say what kind of change, exactly, or at least I can not tell, but it is about hope and peace at home and abroad. Clinton means the good old days of economic prosperity and non lying presidents (hmm). Because their differences are largely symbolic, they need to say what it means, to remove ambiguity, to give people reasons to vote (or not). This is easier done by attacking the symbols and meanings the other candidate gives, by re-framing their opposition's interpretations, in ways that hurt the opposition, and thereby help their own campaigns.

Clinton says she is more qualified because of her experience in the White House. What experience? She was the First Lady. That usually is not a position that relates to policy, politics, and decision making. It sounds like experience by osmosis, like using a textbook as a pillow as a way to learn algebra. Clinton says hers was an executive post, and she give examples of experience she gained there. This will eventually catch up with her and President Clinton's legacy because it will require unraveling what happened in that White House and who and how power was managed there. Was Hillary Clinton as First Lady in a position to make decisions, even if she was not elected? Is that an abuse of power, and by whom? How did President Clinton use this to his advantage? What was the role of Gore as Vice President?

Clinton claimed she arrived in Bosnia under sniper fire. Sinbad, a comedian who was with her on the plane that landed, said, no, there was no danger. The press investigated. Revealed Clinton was not under danger. Clinton seems to have taken the suffering of the people of Bosnia and used it to her advantage. To have taken their side and used that to her advantage, she knows what it is like to be out of power, a victim, and is now fighting for all of those people, all over the world.

Actually, President Clinton did something to help people in Bosnia who were attacked, but it was rather late. Actually, Senator Clinton, who was then First Lady Clinton, pushed for health care reform in the US, rather than engaging internationally. That happens in many presidencies, when a president decides that, but I am not sure it usually happens with the First Lady, and I am not sure that a First Lady has influence matters at all. However, it usually does not happen that what went on in a White House is later opened up in such a way as to create convenient symbolic alliances that never existed and at the same time ask new questions about a former presidency. And finally, Bosnia is not something to play with, their suffering is not something to use to your advantage, especially when you did not, in fact, really do much to help people there. And frankly, not many in the US policy world are so interested in Bosnia, and it is a complicated situation to begin with, so it was not worth it for her to bring it up to advance her position.

Then, Clinton said the media was waiting for her to misspeak because they are against her. She is often a clever campaign politician, using whatever lines are necessary to advance her cause. Clinton does best when perceived in a position of the victim of attacks.

So, either McCain or Obama is fine with me. Which is too bad, because I started out excited to vote for a woman candidate.

Country Club Pool

2008-04-11T10:34:00.004-05:00

I have been reading stuffwhitepeoplelike, which is a great introduction to upper middle class Anglo culture in America. Its voice is ironic and humorous. Someone had written in to the posts, suggesting an article on Country Clubs. That gave me an idea and a chance to reflect on life in Paducah, KY, where I spend my youth. As my neighbor Andrew said, life is great from birth to age 8, then it gets really complicated. Here is a story about Country Clubs as an adult who sometimes returns home for visits and swims at the pool at the Club.

When you go to the club as an adult, you will be there to cool off in the summer, to leave your parents and there house for a few hours of peace, and to socialize in an informal way. You can call one of your friends to meet you there, or, you can go in the late afternoon, and probably find someone you know there. It can be a friend from your youth, who is there with her children, for example.

There are quite a few subtexts going on at the club pool for you. First of all, if you are not married, people will be looking for signs that explain that: are you too fat, do you know how to behave? No, yes. Do you hate children (ie do you pay attention to other people's children). No, I don't hate or love them, and all I need to say is how lovely their children are etc and leave it at that. And I don't really want to be around them and their whining.

Then, whom do you talk to? Just your friends from childhood (well, yes)? What do you talk about? You gossip, but be very careful about what you reveal about your personal life, as people are listening for valuable information about your life and its problems. The best thing to do is simply listen as people tell you about their cousin's divorce, their marital tensions (this is a boring topic), their pregnancy, your other friends' face lift, your other friends' affair, how still another friend is just as arrogant as in high school, and so on. You might like to bring a book or magazine to escape this conversation if it is too boring or your conversation partner is asking you too many questions you do not want to answer.

What to read? Don't bring something like "The Great Gatsby" because you will get ... weird ...looks. Bring the local paper or, if you want to look smart and ambitious, The Wall Street Journal.

There are a few types of women at the pool. Usually, men do not go to the pool alone, unless they go to swim laps, in which case, they will come early in the morning, or just as the pool is closing. Men play golf or drink in the clubhouse. They do not swim. It could be the region for women and children in the summer, so they do not see their place there. Perhaps they do not want to be caught looking at teenage girls in bikinis. Perhaps they do not want to have women hitting on them. Perhaps they just don't know what to do with their bodies in water or their bodies in shorts and no shirt and shoes, they don't know what to do with their sexuality there.

So, women at the pool are swimmers or gossips. There is some crossover. I am a swimmer. Gossips do not get wet at the pool. They sit in lounge chairs by the pool and gossip with other gossips about their children and other women. They do not get wet. Their hair is styled and they may be wearing make up. It is hot outside, about 90f, mind you. The life guard watches their children, makes sure they do not drown. These women might not be able to swim, in fact.

Women who swim also gossip, I can not exaggerate. But they do get in the water, to play with their children or to swim with other women. I think these women are cool.

There is another story about men and women and the country club and maybe I will leave that for another time.

My favorite film from Croatia

2008-04-10T08:56:00.003-05:00

My favorite film from Croatia is "Blagajnica hoće ići na more". (2000)
It has a very dark humor, a great soundtrack, many cameo appearances, and many references to local pop culture. It is also a critique of class divisions in Zagreb at that time. It points out the well known fact that most of the work in Croatia is done by women. You know all this as you watch and you continue to laugh.
Many people would say "Tko pjeva zlo ne misli" (1970) is their favorite film, and I have been to the location in Gorni Grad where it was filmed way back when, hasn't changed at all. It is a good film, of another way of life. Families and Saturdays spent on outings (izlet). Well, some of that continues. But I like Blagajnica better for the humor. It is just interesting to watch the two together and see how audience perceptions of how people live and what can be seen.

French Toast

2008-04-08T10:36:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to Desmond, a reader of this blog, of whom I am very fond. This French Toast is for you.

East European Homosocial Relationships

2008-04-08T10:27:00.003-05:00

Analysis of the Bush-Sanader/Mesic and Bush-Putin meetings should be conducted from a perspective of male love, homosociality, in Eastern Europe.
Please see more at my blog, Knjiga za Svakog Pedera.
http://knjigazasvakogpedera.blogspot.com/

Colbert, REM, and GenX

2008-04-07T09:32:00.008-05:00

My favorite band is REM. Here is the interview on Colbert Report: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFM2wudTFR8
I think Colbert has a crush on REM. Can't blame him, they are the best. Check out what he says around 2.20 minutes about this as a "comeback" album. I will buy this album at the end of this week, when I have chapter 2 of my dissertation written and receive the feedback.

I listened to REM when I was in high school, college, after, and now. I like the combination of blues, etc. Wow. And they toured with RATT in the 80s and are influenced by Patti Smith.

And I, like most GenX people, am nostalgic. REM is a GenX band for sure. It is a sound and an attitude, a position. It was of a time. It can communicate something valuable from that time to the present.

There is the MasterCard, "priceless" campaign. I heard the idea came as focus groups were talking about relationships and having a life with at least some meaning. Probably these were GenX people. The advertising agency involved talked about how this is a new emphasis in people's lives, but I think it resonates with GenX. And it is a commentary on society that once saw us as slackers and now embraces our views. Is this because we are older now, with more money, and are taken seriously?

I think Colbert is GenX, by his age and attitude.

Quiz

2008-04-04T13:50:00.003-05:00

Please tell me who is in this photo. Post your replies, please. The winner will receive attention on this blog.
Choices are:
1. Cat Power and Karl Lagerfeld
2. Patti Smith and Karl Lagerfeld
3. Shania Twain and Karl Lagerfeld
4. Hillary Swank and Karl Lagerfeld

Ordering Beer

2008-04-04T07:52:00.004-05:00

Last night, I at pizza at Manolo's, my favorite in Urbana, then I attended a Kronos Quartet concert at Krannert Center (this was also my routine for the night I saw the luanr eclipse). This time, I drank a beer before the concert at the cafe at Krannert Center. I ordered a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. I like that beer. I usually drink wine, but with pizza, beer is required. With this beer, I finally have a beer I can order. Budweiser was too bland. I am a little shy to order Sierra Nevada Pale Ale because it seems so fussy, but it is really good.

I have a chapter of my dissertation due today - chapter 2, theory. The dissertation will have five chapters...

Ordering Tea at Starbucks

2008-04-03T18:20:00.002-05:00

I usually order Earl Grey Tea at Starbucks. It feels really ... weird to order tea at Starbucks.

Things American Graduate Students Like About the former Yugoslavia region

2008-03-06T12:05:00.008-06:00

Top Reasons Graduate Students who are white, middle class, have no family links to the former Yugoslavia region like to Study It and where they go and what they do while there on research grants. A list in progress. With apologies to JDCW.
1. Feeling of coming from a superior political culture that comes from hearing in a conversation with someone you thought was a local intellectual say things like, "He is a Serb, but he is alright." By the way, they say the same about your coming from America.
2. Taking a bus from Zagreb to Vukovar to see the bullet holes. You finally see real violence (you could have gone to Detroit for this, but that is less exotic, and there are no research grants for that, and then there is the whole race issue and you are, it goes without saying, not a racist. That is why the conflict here is so ... inexplicable ... unnecessary).
3. This is a society with complex problems that will never be worked out (not like the USA). You have come here to help them work out their problems, because the US has worked them out (ie the Civil Rights movement, which obviously has achieved equality). This will last until someone talks about the Iraq war, and even if you say "I didn't vote for George Bush," (you voted for the Democrats, whom you explain would never have gone to war, just or unjust). Your credibility is gone, you feel exposed, but you don't know why.
4. Gender relations. Regardless of your gender, you are a feminist. You live your life to help change gender roles. You work on the relationship. You talk about feelings. You work on your "issues." You talk about your "issues." You use condoms and the pill. You do it during "that time of the month."
But from Ljubljana to Belgrade to Kosovo, you will not hear a word pass between a man and a woman about "where" the relationship "is going." This is where it is going: he demands, through manipulation that usually seeks to make her jealous, that she makes him the center of her emotional life, so she pretends he is, then does what she wants. She expects a marriage, so he gives it, then does what he wants in public. Men pull out (usually), women put the sheets in the washing machine.
You use this to your advantage. If you are a woman, men will pay the bill at every meal, coffee, etc. You have to adapt to local culture and not offend your local colleagues, so you let them pay. Women in this part of the world dress in a more feminine way, so you can, too. Not like in the USA. Anyway, they think you are a slut because you are from the US (I have to call out the hypocritical perspective here).
For men, you can release your alter ego as a player. Or, you can release your inner feminist and women will attend to a man who is not a misogynist. Alternatively, simply sit back and enjoy looking at the women in the summer (white pants or dress/black thong).
5. You are a vegetarian, and here you can receive attention for this. In fact, you are missing out on heaven, and everyone knows this so they assume you are atoning (even the atheists here know about Lent), but you don't look like someone with a past. Hmmm. They are right, by the way: you are from the suburbs of Columbus.

Another good blog

2008-03-06T11:50:00.001-06:00

stuff white people like

McCain and the New York Times

2008-02-26T08:40:00.003-06:00

The New York Times reported that Sen. John McCain had an affair with Vicki Iseman, a lobbyist for the telecom industry. Here are some of my responses.

Vicky Iseman is good looking, but I am afraid she is not that good looking, she sort of has an oddly shaped face, I think she has a smile of a stroke victim (sorry) and she has that gender neutral non femininity of DC women.

The thing that is great here is that it looks like Vicky Iseman has quite a bit of power in her profession, perhaps somewhere on equal footing with John McCain, it seems to be the subtext in the reporting. Is that what makes it Ok? Attractive? Has this event helped Vicky Iseman professionally?

Bill Clinton's affairs didn't hurt him politically, either in the election or in the White House. Bill Clinton usually had affairs with women who were professionally less powerful than he.

I think the NYT article tried to make this about McCain's record and reality with lobbyists, but it flopped, by injecting a hint of smutty sex. Perhaps there was some humanity involved as well.

Sometimes people who work together have a relationship dynamic that does not involve "doing it" but are intimate and, otherwise, affairs. That is probably what happened.

Why has no one thought that maybe the NYT, a media organization, wanted to attack the telecom industry/lobby/regulations structure through this article? Is this about leverage against that structure? Could it be the cultural establishment thinks the NYT is really more "left" or "independent" than it really is? I read the Financial Times.

If this were a lobbyist from the "Merchants of Death" we met in "Thank You For Smoking," then would the story look the same? Who cares about telecom regulation except the grad students in ICR at UIUC.

Tennis

2008-02-22T09:02:00.003-06:00

I play tennis every Thursday night at the Atkins Tennis Center and it is great.

Realpolitik

2008-02-22T08:50:00.004-06:00

I think Kosovo's independence, and its support in the West, is about realpolitik.

I think this is about resolving an issue Milosevic created in the late 1980s. It could have gone another way, but in 1999, with the military occupation of Kosovo, and the reaction of NATO and the US, it couldn't go any other way. That was also about the EU and the USA feeling guilty about looking the other way in the region in the early 1990s and now feeling it has to do something in the region. Maybe it isn't the best solution, to have an independent tiny state, it is 1.9 million Kosovars and 100,000 Serbs, but it is the best solution of not very good solutions.

Kosovo will be under EU control/supervision for a long time. It has no civil society, etc. Perhaps EU presence here is the goal. Smuggling, etc, is a problem here, and perhaps the EU can clean it up, or perhaps not.

It is also about energy, energy markets, and energy transport: where will Russia's southern pipeline run? What about nuclear energy from Bulgaria? If the EU is in control of Kosovo, then maybe it has more influence in this.

Russia wants to say this is about creating instability, but I think this is a thinly veiled threat that Russia won't stand by the EU in other matters (when did the EU have a strong assurance from Russia?).

For more commentary, see
Philip Stephens, "Milosevic was the midwife to Kosovo's nationhood," Financial Times, Friday February 22, 2008, page 9. (Commentary).

Lunar Eclipse

2008-02-21T10:28:00.006-06:00

Did you see the Lunar Eclipse last night?

Around 6, I was walking from meeting someone at Starbucks, going directly east, to Krannert center. I saw I full moon, pearly, proud, feminine in the sky. It was a sky that is blue and clear on a cold night. I have a cashemere sweater dress that color blue and I am wearing it today with mother of pearl earrings.

I had been at Manolo's Pizzza and Empanadas for a slice prior to attending the performance by Pacifica Quartet at Krannert Center , which is just across the street. I heard the cook tell the cashier about the lunar eclipse (that is how I learned about it) and say it would take place around 8.45, on West Oregon St. in Urbana (Manolo's and Krannert are on West Oregon).

After listening String Quartet op. 18, no. 5 and Hindemith (String Quartet, op. 22), and before Beethoven op. 132, which were lovely, at at 8.30, there was an intermission. I really am not educated about music, unfortunately. String Quartets, I am learning by experience, are lovely, and Beethoven is really nice. Someone who knows more about it advised me about that before the performance, and it is so. Usually, I hear classical performances over the radio, at home, while working, or cooking on the weekend, and I think "where are those sounds coming from? the speakers? they are too complex and full to be being made in those two boxes." My reaction last night was, wow, that is where the sound comes from, the strings, and the people who are playing them, they had their bodies into the performance.

Intermission was the same time the pizza cook said the moon was scheduled to move into the shadow of the earth.

So as I walked out of the performance hall and zipped up my coat, the usher told me that I didn't even need to go outside to see it, and I walked to the big window that looks over West Oregon St. and saw it with some strangers who had also just heard the performance. It took my breath away. I saw it as the moon was moving into the shadow, and it moves really fast. I felt as if I were watching a clock that told me life going on in unknown directions, regardless of what I do. I also saw a shooting star as I was thinking of some things on the other side of the globe and wondered if I had imagined the whole thing.

Knjiga za Svakog Pedera

2008-02-18T14:41:00.004-06:00

knjigazasvakogpedera.blogspot.com is the website for the "Knjiga za Svakog Pedera" book project. I am writing "Knjiga za Svakog Pedera" as a scientific guide to life in contemporary, urban Croatia. It applies current scientific research on daily life and larger questions, from how to do the laundry so colors don't fade to how to live in harmony with a man. "Knjiga za Svakog Pedera" takes its inspiration from the book "Knjiga za Svaku Zenu."

(this is not anti-peder/anti-gay, it is maybe like a postsocialist, post-communist, post-SFRY, Central European "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy")

Kosovo Independence

2008-02-17T10:30:00.001-06:00

Congratulations!

Hilary's tears

2008-01-08T10:57:00.000-06:00

A woman politician who cries on the campaign. Mmmmmmm.
She is on the way to setting women back to Victorian Era.

Technology and Music

2008-01-03T14:15:00.000-06:00

Pop quiz: name the object below, what it is used for, what brand it is, and a bit about the brand.

Boat and Tote Christmas

2008-01-03T14:13:00.000-06:00

My friend and I exchanged identical (except for monogram style) gifts for Christmas 2007. This happened quite on accident. We have known each other for 20 years, give or take. We don't live in the same city - haven't for some time.
Hope you all had a nice Christmas 2007. Happy New Year 2008.

Papernjaci (Papernjak)

2007-12-12T14:50:00.001-06:00

These are the BEST cookies. They are from Slavonia, where my father's family is from.

Here is the English translation (the Croatian is to the right).
1.3 cups sugar
1.3 cups butter
3 egg yokes (yellows of eggs)
1 whole egg
4 large tablespoons of honey (use the best quality honey you can acquire as honey has an important influence on the taste of the cookies)
2 grains of clove, ground (use the back of a strong, broad knife to crush it)
2 grains of pepper, ground
1 lemon peel, grated
flour - as needed, so the dough is hard
Mix the sugar and egg until creamy, then add the butter and mix till creamy, then the flower, then the rest of the ingredients. Mix until the dough is very hard.
Roll the dough out with a rolling pin to a width of 0.7cm (as fat as a finger) and press down with the papernjak mold (pictured to the right). Remove the mold and cut out the individual cookies. Put the cookies in the oven to bake on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper, at 375 for 10 to 15 minutes. Use the middle rack of the oven. You can roll the cookies on the parchment paper as well, if you find it difficult to transfer them from the counter to the baking sheet (bottom photos is baked papernjaci).
I can't wait to go to my parent's and make these (my mold is there)! Sretan Bozic i sve naj naj!

pencilnpaper: Walnut and vanilla cookies or Kiflice od vanilije or Kiffel

2007-12-08T09:27:00.000-06:00

pencilnpaper: Walnut and vanilla cookies or Kiflice od vanilije or Kiffel

Kiflice, kifle, Walnut and vanilla cookies or Kiffel

2007-12-05T16:02:00.006-06:00

http://balkanbarbie.blogspot.com/
To celebrate the holidays, my friend T. came over last Sunday afternoon and we baked these kiflice.

Ingredients (in USA/UK imperial measures and then in European):
half pound (1 cup) butter, soft = 225 or 230 grams butter
half cup sugar = 95 grams sugar
2 cups flower - sifted, all purpose = 200 grams flower
1 and 1/4 cups walnuts, well ground (mljevenih). Buy them that way or grind them in the blender or food processor. = 105 grams walnuts
1 teaspoon vanilla (liquid form of vanilla, .17oz) = 5 ml vanilla
confectioner's sugar (also called powdered sugar) for dusting

Sastojici:
225 g puter / maslac
95 g secer
200 g brasno
105 g orah, mljevenih
5 ml vanilje

Tools: I used the lovely Bosch stand mixer you see in the photo, which my parents gave me as an early birthday present (December 23). A hand mixer will also work. Mixing with a wooden spoon would work as well. I guess you would need to use a wisk to cream the butter and sugar, in that case.

Directions:
The Dough:
Mix the butter and sugar until creamy. Probably use middle speed. Add vanilla. Mix until well integrated. Add the flower, a spoon full at at time, on low speed. Mix until it forms a solid mass. Slowly add the ground walnuts. When the walnuts are all integrated, stop mixing. Take the dough out and make a ball out of it. Wrap it in plastic wrap and refrigerate for about 3 hours, or put it in the freezer for about 2 hours. It is nice to prepare the dough and refrigerate it overnight. The dough needs to be a solid, hard mass.

The baking:
Heat the over to 350 Fahrenheit, which is about 175 c, for those of you in Zagreb, Osijek, Vienna, Graz ... Toronto, and Vancouver
Line a cookie baking sheet with parchment paper.
Pinch off some of the dough. Roll it between your hands, specifically palm-side of your knuckles, to make it into a tube shape. When it is ready, it should be about the length of your index finger, thinner than your pinky. Lay it on the parchment paper in the shape of a horse shoe.
Keep all of the kifle the same thickness and length so the batch bakes evenly. I hope the photos are instructive about the size and shape of kiflice.

Bake for about 10 or 15 mintues at 350f, 175c, until slightly brown on the top. My oven took 15 minutes. The ones in the photo are pretty good.
Take them out, let them cool off. When they are cool and you are ready to serve, dust them with the powdered sugar.

Store them in a tin can or in a plastic box - anything with a good seal - in the cupboard. They keep very well in the cupboard (no eggs in the dough). They freeze very well. Children enjoy making them because they role them with their hands and that is cool. It isn't very messy either, maybe put a plate under their hands to catch crumbs when they roll the cookies.

For your convenience, here is a kitchen conversion web site in which you can ask for the conversion of weights and measures of specific ingredients used in the kitchen (convert-me.com).

And we ate a few, drank wine, then later some tea, and laughed quite a bit. Today, we had our first snowfall in Urbana. Very nice. The year will come to an end quite soon. The days are short, and cold, it is the time of lights, we can celebrate living through another year, and hope for what will come the next. Peace on Earth.

Enjoy
Merry Christmas, Sretan Bozic, i Sretna Nova Godina 2008.

Talking Heads

2007-11-19T08:43:00.000-06:00

Lately, I have been listening to Talking Heads, especially the song "Sugar on my Tongue." I also like Elvis Presley. I can reccomend the movie, "Lost Embrace" (2004). In Spanish, it is "El abrazo partido." The movie takes place in a shopping mall in Buenos Aires, perhaps the most beautiful city in the world.

This is what they drive in Hungary...

2007-10-15T20:42:00.001-05:00

Timing

2007-09-30T18:50:00.000-05:00

There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go.
Tennessee Williams

War crimes tribunal and job interviews and online dating

2007-09-30T10:43:00.000-05:00

There are some things I can't impose rationality on. Yes, I am talking about love. I am also talking about the dynamics of job interviews. This could also be said for war, or Stalin. Maybe that is why historians explain events by saying one person is dominant, for example, things went this way or that, but so and so was mostly guilty. I think Milosevic was mostly guilty for thing sin the 1990s and early 2000s. What about the war crimes tribunal. Is that an effort to impose reason on horror? Maybe it is just a way to get rid of the past. It makes secrets public, it shames some people and social groups.
I watched an ad for an on-line dating service last night, I think it is chemistry.com, and it seems to be branding itself as the hipsters dating service. It is the opposite of e-harmony. They suggest e-harmony rejects people - hipsters. It criticizes their questions as long and not relevant to hipsters. The questions are the unique selling proposition of eharmony. They say it matches people on important values. I wonder how chemistry.com matches people - probably on cultural things like what music I like, I guess. I think chemistry.com is more like Bourdieu and interpretive marketing research brought into VALS while eharmony is more like VALS and lifestyle research. Please don't rip off my ideas and write an article on them and get tenure etc. Yes, I am a wounded graduate student, just back from a job interview. Regardless, I am right about these dating services and their connection to marketing research, and I am taking marketing research theories seriously. Hey, maybe if I have to teach Audience Analysis this spring, I will apply dating services as a case study.
I started to write about love and imposing reason on it, and how you can't, even though dating services say you can. Then the connection with Bourdieu came up. So that is why we went down that road.
Please, do not impose reason on love, that is a one way trip to crazy town.

Žuži Jelinek

2007-09-10T12:18:00.001-05:00

Mrs. Jelinek (70) is a fashion designer. Recently she published a book and thus became an author too. In various Croatian weeklies we can read her columns, she is often invited as a guest to popular TV talk-shows and she has been frequently interviewed by the press. Mrs. Jelinek attracted the media with her statements about the relationship between men and women and has thrust herself upon the public as an authority on beauty, harmonious marriage and success in life. Although Mrs. Jelinek shamelessly and with a smile talks pure nonesense, nobody has openly said anything against them so far. Here are only a few quotations which are characteristic of Mrs. Jelinek's points of view.

(quotations taken from the daily paper "Vecernji list", Oct. 2nd 1998., journalist Branko Vukcic)

"VL: If a man does something inappropriate, for example is late....if he (un)intentionally hurts a woman, what can he do to make up for what he did? What works with women?

Jelinek: If only men would know how women are easy! We are all alike inside."

"Jelinek: In the morning a man should say a few warm, kind words, and all his problems are solved. If a woman was clever, and the majority is today, she would not reproach him anything, because men today are extremely touchy."

"Jelinek: Four rules how a woman can keep a man are: First, with sex. Second, with a smiling face. Men do not like women who sulk. Third, she must never begrudge him on anything because all men are alergic to reproach. Fourth, if a man is well fed, if he is happy and content at full dining table then a woman can't lose him. He might temporarily go to another woman, but he will come back. Men are different than women and sex is important to them as much as food."

"Jelinek: Every woman must be interested in politics so that she would be able to make conversation with a man at all."

http://crowwomen.tripod.com/zuzie.htm

Adjusting to America

2007-09-09T18:56:00.000-05:00

For one whole weekend, I didn't go to the mall. No, it wasn't a dare, or a political statement, it just happened that way. I was working, doing laundry, watching DVDs, talking to friends, going swimming at the pool, and having a cafe late at Cafe Paradiso. It just quietly happened on its own that way.

Looking Good in a Buffalo Stance

2007-08-17T19:26:00.000-05:00

What I miss about Zagreb:
I miss Otvoreni Radio (it translates into Open Radio and you can listen here through live stream and you can listen here www.otvoreni.hr). They have a mix that floors me. I love it. I feel like I am back in my kitchen on Kaciceva, the third floor, with the balcony on the garden, not street side, dancing while cooking up some lunch, maybe trout, on a Saturday afternoon, listening on the 1960s era Grundig "Yatch Boy" he bought on ebay (his first ebay experience) and mailed me in Zagreb from Germany, cause he knows I think Grundig makes the best radios, my father has them. I even shipped it back with me, and it is in my kitchen right now.
Or sitting in a car in front of my building, he's driven me home after drinks, it's Chaka Kahn's "Ain't Nobody," on Otvoreni, he thumps his palm on the driving wheel, tells me about when he was a DJ at KSET ages ago. It is the first time I listened to Otvoreni, and I kept my dial there since.
I heard this song (Buffalo Stance) on Otvoreni while in my kitchen and was delighted. Nenah Cherry (she's Sweedish, are you also surprised) sings it and this is what she says about it, from her web site: this song "is about sexual survival. It's not a feminist record - none of my songs are. But it's about female strength, female power, female attitude."
Yah, I am back in the USA, in a town in the mid-west.
I just heard the whistle of a train, that reminds me of Zagreb...

Moving a bit slower

2007-06-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

My recovery time after a night of dancing and drinks is two days.

What Everyone Should Know About Those Things

2007-06-24T16:34:00.000-05:00

You would have seen me dancing at Global last night, here is the web page of this gay club in Zagreb, in case you missed it last night:
http://www.globalclubzg.hr/home.asp?lang=eng

Trout Lady

2007-06-24T16:21:00.000-05:00

Trout Lady, who sells me trout once a week at the fish market at Dolac, the main market in the city center (this was last Thursday; I usually go Saturday):
(As she is turning to me and holding the trout in her left hand knife in the right, standing over the chopping block, inside the square of tables with fish)

Do you want to take this now or do you want me to hold on to it until later?

(As I am waiting on the other side of the table, looking at Trout Lady as she's just sliced open the first trout and is pulling out red mushy insides)

Thanks, but no, I'll take it now.

(Lady Trout, looking up, right hand pulling out slimy insides of trout)

I thought you would have a coffee and then come back for it.

(Me, trying to memorize how to clean a fish and happy she always cleans it for me and is willing to hang on to it so I don't have to go to coffee smelling like trout but uncertain about this answer)

Usually, of course, but today it is too hot, it is too hot to sit and have a coffee, I am going home now.

This is important because I went to see Lady Trout last Saturday just as she was about to leave. I was with my girl friend Mare to buy fish for her and for me, to show Mare where I buy cleaned, fresh fish. And Lady Trout was really not happy that we had arrived at five minutes until two and wanted cleaned fish. She said to Mare,

You can't come here at this time and ask for fish, I have been here since 4am. She (nodding at me) comes here all the time. Next time, buy it earlier and then come back for it (referring to what I usually do). We said sorry and Ok. Mare was also shy about it and tolerant of Lady Trout's scolding us (well, and Lady Trout has power, she has cleaned trout). I was a bit ashamed and I think Lady Trout was making up for it Thursday with the offer to hold on to it, or letting me know we are still cool, and she will hold the fish, or thanking me for not coming at the last minute, or reminding me this is an option.

Plastic

2007-06-21T09:47:00.000-05:00

These Barbies caught my eye. The way they are friends, they shine, they are unclothed. Someone was selling them at Hreljic last Sunday. Passed by them, they were laying on the blanket with many things. Looked like things you would find in your junk closet. Will write more later. In a bit of a rush in the moment.

Reader's Request

2007-06-19T04:56:00.000-05:00

I will tell you about going to the gynecologist in Zagreb, but only if you really want to know. So, please let me know. Ok, I really want to write about it, am a bit shy, and need your gentle prodding first.

What Every Woman Should Know About Those Things

2007-06-19T04:27:00.001-05:00

Differences in gender relations between people in the US and in Zagreb. That is something I can talk a lot about, I do talk a lot about, and I am interested in talking a lot about. Beyond men-are-stupid, women-are-smart.

Let's start with the Wikki entry on Romantic Love. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_love
From their web page:

Properties of romantic love include these:

It cannot be easily controlled.
It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.
If requited, it may be the basis for lifelong commitment.

No, it cannot be easily controlled, and trying to control it has, in the past, made me quite frustrated. Is it American to think emotions can be controlled or should be? For me, it can be hard to control my obsessions in romance, and to tell the difference between my obsessions and feelings for someone. Maybe men here are less intolerant, they do expect women to have personalities, relationships to have flows, they do not expect to put people and relationships into categories and check off like a list.

It seems to me that here, some men control emotions, some don't, and some are so up to their eyeballs in getting ahead in a tough context you just marvel at how they can have so many emotions and so many jobs at once. Other men, you want to kick them to the curb, they are so vulgar and arrogant. Probably some men see women these ways.

I am not sure if I can agree with Wikki that romantic love is not overtly predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act. I would argue for a desire for sex and small talk, conversation. To fight off boredom. Men here like to conquer, to dominate, the relationship and the sex. Maybe they do in the US, too, but they have to hide it or are frustrated by it. US Feminism says: their domination is oppressive. Popular culture: equality in a relationship. I say: there is no equality between two people, none. Give and take. Let him think what he wants. If he wants to think he conquered me, I can pretend to be surprised and seduced. I'm certainly going to do what I want anyway.

Lifelong commitment. Overall, I should have taken the chance here and have that affair with that married man. Get some myths out of my head.

If you read the whole web page, you will read that romance is something that exists in specific occasions and moments in a relationship. I think that is really true in Champaign Illinois and in Zagreb.

--------------------------------------
Why am I writing this, I have to write my cover letter for job applications and get ready to move back to the University of Illinois from my sweet home in Zagreb. I can't believe I still haven't been to KSET or Limb, that I worked so much here (you are right, there were some non-work moments - the writing about romance).

Tito's Women ... Titova Zena

2007-06-06T02:09:00.001-05:00

Sparno

2007-05-25T03:00:00.000-05:00

It is really, really hot here in Zagreb. Also, woke up around 4am with thoughts about upcoming Zagreb departure. Not looking forward to trading Zagreb for U-C.

Sitnice koje život znaće

2007-04-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

Sitnice koje život znaće (life is made up of small things).

2007-04-17T09:16:00.000-05:00

Spring

2007-04-16T09:15:00.000-05:00

It is spring here, how did the time fly by so fast...I am departing in July...more posts with images soon...

Zakaj ne?

2007-04-05T03:16:00.001-05:00

Communist China

2007-03-31T03:42:00.000-05:00

Communist China. Meaning china sold under Communist rule. I think these objects, especially the decanters, are clearly the tools of the class enemy. That rhetoric may have been important for revolutionaries from 1945 to 1955. By 1968, however, the party had embraced its inner class enemy. Perhaps for most people, a decanter was always a decanter was always a decanter, still is a decanter.
These images are from the Nama katalog, winter 1968-69 (please see post below for the cover).

A good blog you might like

2007-03-31T03:35:00.000-05:00

The following blog is by Grant McCracken. Most of you know who he is. And for those of you who don't, I can advise you to read his blog if you like cultural commentary that is observant and straddles the lines of mundane and sophisticated in a way that has harmony.
http://www.cultureby.com/trilogy/

Communist Department Store

2007-03-28T17:36:00.000-05:00

Nama is a department store in Zagreb. There are three convenient locations: Ilica (next to the main square), Krvatric, and Crnomerec. Nama during state socialism was the equivalent of Sears Roebuck. It was a communist (or state socialist) department store. Here is the cover from the fall-winter 1968-69 catalogue.
I just bought this on Sunday at an antiques market. The catalog is in very good condition and I think it is a good investment. Lots of color photos to use as illustrations in publications and presentations. Oh, and just fun to look at. I always look at fashion from other eras and think, "wow, they thought that was fashionable, hilarious!" Or, sometimes, I like to think of what I would have liked to have worn if I were living in that era.
I'll show some of the contents in later blogs. You can enjoy the game...

Sljeme

2007-03-05T01:31:00.000-06:00

A perfect Sunday morning at Sljeme... some photos of and from the lift cars as well as a bit of the view of Zagreb from the trip up the mountain.

Paradise

2007-02-18T14:12:00.001-06:00

Saša Šekoranja
Ilica 82, Zagreb. Saša Šekoranja
This florist is in my neighborhood. A crowd formed on the sidewalk, looking at this display. My guide book describes him this way: "Sasa is not so much a florist, but an artist who happens to use flowers as his means of expression. Beautiful, natural and unusual arrangements - very different to what is usually available.

Astonished

2007-02-17T10:58:00.000-06:00

Just like every other Saturday at 3pm, today I walked over to Sedmica with the Weekend Edition of the Financial Times. I sat in the corner table with my back to the window, and my waiter came over. He said, didn't ask, "kavica" and I smiled and said yes. He came back with my "kavica" and a glass of water. He said (in English), "No sugar" (because there were none on the saucer and I usually don't take sugar) and I said, in Croatian, "yes, that's it," and smiled. He walked back to the counter, I enjoyed my paper and the music. A very tall man came in pushing a toddler sitting in a stroller. I've seen them here before, she's a little girl, this is her father, and when they come in, I hear lots of men greeting them with hello for the father and sweet things for her. About an hour later I walked to the counter to pay. The waiter was siting on a bar stool at the side of the counter, talking to the three customers at the counter. I couldn't find a space close enough to hand him the money, so I signaled to him that I would leave it on the table in front of me. I was really surprised when he said, no, it's ok, so I thought I misunderstood the language. I repeated my gesture, he repeated his. I smiled and said thank you. I left feeling so warm and happy. I felt like home. Maybe even for the first time.

"Socailist Textiles"

2007-02-12T03:32:00.000-06:00

Ad for "Socialist Textiles" by the trzic factory in Slovenia (Svijet magazine, 1975)

Something for you

2007-02-07T06:55:00.000-06:00

I ran across this the other day. In France, there used to be jukeboxes stacked not with records but movies. Please check it out at this web site:
http://scopitones.blogs.com/scopitonescom/

Ad for "Socialist Hairspray" (1975)

2007-02-05T02:57:00.000-06:00

Ordinary People

2007-01-29T10:06:00.000-06:00

It seems that I flew all the way to Zagreb just to find a tv soap opera and make it my favorite. It is called Obicnji ljudi (Ordinary People) and it airs weedays from 6.40pm to 7.15pm on a state tv channel, HTV1. My favorite female lead actor is Helena Minić, who plays Saša Kincl. I also like her best friend, Zrinka Kusevic, who plays Hana Hrvatin My favorite male actor, even though he plays a supporting role, is Robert Krubasa, who plays Robert Knezevic. More later. It has to do with walking down the street and seeing one of the characters and thinking I should go say hi because that is a good friend. It also has to do with finishing the book on which the show is based, "The Family Way" (2004), by Tony Parsons, just a few days before the series ran its first broadcast last fall.

New Trams in Zagreb

2007-01-16T03:18:00.000-06:00

I took this photo (the second one) Sunday around 1pm. I was walking from the street up to the tram stop on the South side of Savksi Most (The bridge over the Sava that connects Novi Zagreb to older parts of the city), going North. I wanted to take tram 6 because I can ride it directly to my neighborhood, but this one, tram 7, arrived first. I rode it to Autobusni Kolodvor (the bus station), where I switched to tram 6 after a few minutes' wait.

I took this photo (the second) because I had taken a similar one, at the same time of day, of tram 6, in late October. I like this one better because it has better contrast with the light, since this was a sunny day, and the composition is better. For the first photo, the composition came into frame as I was waitng for the tram and talking to a friend. I like them together because I think the old and new trams present life in Zagreb. But there is something different about the old and the new trams, although I am not quite sure what. I guess the old tram is part of the time when all of this concrete was laid, and the new tram more about the present.

"Fashion Never Takes the Day Off"

2007-01-12T04:35:00.000-06:00

I like this cover spread from July 1966 issues of Svijet magazine. I'm working on a reserach project about how to dress for summer holidays in socialism. I'm calling it "Fashion Never Takes the Day Off."

Passing through

2007-01-08T02:40:00.000-06:00

This is the view from Dolac to trga bana Josipa Jelicica on a Sunday afternoon.

Three Kings

2007-01-07T08:40:00.000-06:00

January 6 is the festival of the Three Kings, or the Three Wise Men. These days, I could see from my living room the decorated Christmas tree in the apartment across the street from me. Last night, most people returned from their ski holidays (not much snow here in Central Europe for skiing this year). Some people have asked me about Christmas traditions in Zagreb, and I knew about most of them from my family. For example, decorating the tree on Dec 24, eating fish for dinner, and opening presents that night. One I didn't expect was walking around town yesterday afternoon and today to find many Christmas trees waiting to be picked up by the city.

Benches

2007-01-07T05:34:00.000-06:00

There is a great pleasure in hunting the benches of Zagreb. I like to take photos of people sitting on benches. I like the photo to ask something about how people share space. Do strangers sit with a specific posture? How intimate can men and women be in the theatre of the park, on the stage of the bench (if they are teenagers, men and women can sit very close). Can you sit alone on a bench in the park? Are you there because you have no where else to go to be alone, or to find company?

Svijet

2006-12-18T03:39:00.000-06:00

I have been working here. I don't have much to say about it in the moment except that I was really excited about it at first and now I am a bit tired. Time now for a short holiday. Here are some of the magazine covers and text I scanned from Svijet, a women's fashion magazine in Zagreb. Most of the content is clothing and patterns, with some ads. The covers are from 1965. I hope you enjoy.

With cigarettes, you are never alone.

2006-11-27T04:51:00.000-06:00

I went to Sedmica the other night with some friends. It is a great place except that it is thick with smoke and afterwards, your eyes burn and your clothes smell like an ashtray. So, someone in our group was smoking, and he was smoking York cigarettes. And he looked at the package and he said, the tag line is "With cigarettes, you are never alone " (Uz cigaretom nikad sama or something close to it) Yes, I know I am supposed to talk about health issues and stupidity issues, or religion, don't you know that you are never alone, or issues of consumption, that cigarettes don't make you really feel better, it has to come from within, and don't be so stupid to buy this tag line, to think that smoking will change that, and that I should be morally outraged this can be a legal tag line for a lethal product. This is a very inviting tag line, isn't it, because it directly addresses why people smoke, even if they don't want to say it out loud. They just want something to do, they just want something to stay busy with. I think this is jednostavno, or simple, enough, don't you?

Swimming

2006-11-16T03:31:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went swimming at Dom Sportova (it is in Trg Sportova, which you can find on a map here). First, I must tell you that I swam about 1,600 to 1,800 yards daily for the last two years. I even won a race across the Ohio River at Paducah, KY, where I grew up. I love to swim. But I haven't been in the pool since August, when I left Champaign. I arrived here and found out where the pool is and when I can go, but somehow I thought it would be too hard to find, too far from my apartment, and too complicated to go there. I did play tennis in the meantime, thinking that the courts down the street would be a good substitute. I did like tennis, but it isn't so great in the rain or cold, and partners are not always available. Yesterday, after finally feeling settled into my new apartment after living here for three weeks, after finishing up some aspects of my work, and feeling like I needed something interesting to do in the day, I walked to Dom Sportova with a backpack full of equipment: swimsuit, goggles, cap, shapoo, soap, comb ...

The walk on a sunny day through a leafy neighborhood took me about 20 minutes and I found my way easily and actually enjoyed it (I have to note that my cousin works across the street from Dom Sportova so I had been to that area once or twice before). First hurdle passed fine.
At Dom Sportova, I made my way to the mali bazin, the small pool, that is used just for training. At the cashier's desk, I paid for my entrance of 15 hrk (kindly discounted from 25 hrk because I came at the last 45 mintues of the 11.30-13.00 session), and I asked for information about how to proceed with changing etc. The cashier took me to the changing cabins for women and introduced me to the woman working at the garderrobe. I like the changing cabins because of the privacy, which I didn't have at the UIUC swimming pool. I like the garderrobe lady because she took my things and gave me a number for them. She also told me that I had to shower before I could enter the pool, which is great because it means that the water is really kept clean since she is probably making everyone do this.

When I walked into the pool area, I noticed that the people in the pool were almost all men. I also noticed that the light from outside came in, giving the place a nice resonance with summer, even though this is Novemeber (studeni click here for the names of months in Croatian and their origin). There were two lanes of swimmers listening to a man tell them what to do (I guess this is a swim club) and three lanes of swimmers. Two of those lanes were slow and one was more fast, so I went into the fast lane.

As I was swimming in the fast lane, I found a metaphor to describe how the pace was. It was like driving a car on the expressway here in Croatia. There are some cars that are going too slow and holding up the traffic, frustrating the other drivers. It was hard to find my timing as I am used to swimming in my own lane, or sharing it with one other person. I like to swim at a consistent pace and to lose my thoughts in that pace, so it is annoying to be slowed down. After about ten mintues, the swim club left, and my lane was less full, I guess some people migrated over, and some left. I was trying to push them out, so fine with me. And then I had a really nice swim for about 10 mintues. It was a really nice experience. Then I was exhausted and finished for the day.

In the shower room was an old woman who was there on my way into the pool-now she was washing her feet, with great lather. When I left, she was still there. The shower heads turn on automatically and the water temperature is comfortable. The garderroba lady is outside the glass door, monitoring. When you walk out of the shower room, she brings you your things, and you proceed to the cabins to get ready for the outside world. Much more comfortable than I can say for UIUC.

I was thinking about drying my hair, but as it wasn't really cold, and I was hungry and wanted to go home and eat, I skipped it. But I have to next time. No, not because of the cold. Because these are the coolest dryers I have ever seen. The way this works is that you sit on a wooden bench, with your back to a wall and your head under a hood (it looks like the hood over a fireplace) that is an extension of the heating system-all of this is easy to figure out because the pipes are exposed. The color is yellow. It is really super cool. Women are using this. It is great. It is exciting because I don't know what it will be like. Will let you know.

As I said, I was hungry and I wanted to go home and eat. So, I thought about walking but I also knew I would need to cross the train tracks by the Zapadni Kolodvor (click here for tram map) and take tram 1 to my place. And it was a thrill to walk out the door, cross Magazninska street, up the embankment, through the opening (it looked like it wasn't the result of vanzalism, but part of the design so that people could pass there) in the 6 ft tall cement barrier, covered with grafiti, across the train tracks (just after a local train passed) to the the other side, then walking across some grass to Hanuseva street (here is a map), where tram 1 was waiting for me. I wasn't alone in this, there was a young woman carrying folders of the type I see lots of students carry around town. Then a nice tram ride home. It was all about 15 mintues. The great thing is that I can take this route if the weather is wet or cold.

Boots

2006-11-14T04:08:00.000-06:00

Today it is only 50f outside, overcast, no rain. Still, I have to find some winter boots. My cousin told me winter boots must have: thick rubber sole to keep out cold when I walk on snow and ice, insulation against cold when I am walking outside, space to tuck in my jeans so they stay dry. What this means is that I don't have a car like I did in Champaign, so when it is cold or wet, I have to face it, and not hide in the driver's seat. At least if I want to leave the apartment in the winter.
Today I also have to face the reality that I have to write my dissertation. I fear it like I fear the cold that will come this winter. There are no boots I can wear to make the process easier (or are there? Shoes have great powers).

What's your 20?

2006-11-06T03:52:00.000-06:00

Joj! I haven't updated my blog in a long time! Sori! (I want you to know that I do know how to write using some Croatian words). You might be wondering if I have been away from Zagreb (I went to Ljubljana for a day, but that isn't what you mean) or if I have fallen in love (no, I have not) or been the victim of a tragic accident involving a derailed high-speed train (there are no high speed trains here). You are thinking that now I will say, well I've been busy, fieldwork and writing takes up a lot of time, plus you don't know what it is like to live in Zagreb, and then there is the time delay with the US, always like another shift starts after 4pm here. No, I won't tell you that because I get frustrated when people say to me, ok I've been too busy (to do what I told you to expect me to do). As if no one else in the world is busy. Actually, I have moved, I have met many new people, I have been to meetings all over town, I have visited an important field site, Hreljic, and some of the suburban neighborhoods, seen some stuff, I have visited cousins, been to a Public Enemy concert, enjoyed the visit of a great friend from days working at the Embassy of Croatia in Washington, DC, hosted a very welcome guest, completed some writing deadlines. And I really missed writing this blog, and I am glad to be back. I'll post some photos from Hreljic, from Ljubljana, and some other stuff, and some of the apartment, well not actually of the apartment, but of the view of the garden from the balcony. The apartment is around the corner from where I used to live, and it is in a great neighborhood called Britanski trg. This is the same street I lived on in 2002-03. I moved so that I could have more privacy and quiet (to be alone with you on this blog).
Ljubljana is to Zagreb, as my friend who went there with me said, a richer, better looking cousin, who doesn't have heartaches and who is, therefore, slightly boring, less sexy, more predictable, and less likely to change jobs often.

Hreljic

2006-11-06T03:43:00.001-06:00

Hreljic is a place I went to for research. It is a flea market just outside Zagreb city center-it is possible to go there on tram 6, then walking about two miles. Most of the people who are there seem to be unable to afford to shop in stores. The sellers often seem to be selling whatever, or they are very organized in their stock and display (those professionals seem to be Roma or other marginal groups). This photo has a few things I like. One, it shows what items are sold and how they are displayed. Look in the bottom right-hand corner. Find the red and white "checkerboard" on a white background, in a frame. This is the Croatian "coat of arms" that is on the flag. In this case, it is displayed upside-down. If you went to Hrelic, or if you had a feeling for its position in Zagreb, you might think this upside-down image fit in perfectly here.

Britanski trg (where I live)

2006-11-06T03:37:00.000-06:00

Pensioner women on Heinzelova

2006-11-06T03:36:00.000-06:00

Klaiceva

2006-10-09T04:31:00.000-05:00

People on my street, Kaliceva, using the new bike lane (for walking). I love this neighborhood.

At the counter

2006-10-07T09:03:00.000-05:00

I made it through last week's having a cold and staying at home. I made it through a lot. Today I bought the hot water heater/kettle (pictured here with my french press coffee maker) I had my eyes on for a while to celebrate. Returned to the shop where I had looked it over and bought a scale recently. In that process, I had told the shopkeeper that I am learning Croatian, and I am a foreigner, so please be a bit patient with my language mistakes. Today he seemed to recognized me, in that impersonal and polite central european way. He helped me with the kettles. I was looking at one I liked and he said, here is the model with a nicer blue color. I said, ok. Then he saw me looking at another model, about 90 kunas compared to my 130 kuna model. He said, no don't by that one, it isn't good. No one in the US would have said that so directly to me. And probably no one selling something in the US knows about the product. And as a stranger, that advice was what I needed.
When I started feeling really ill last week, I crawled over to the pharmacy, just a few meters away. Again the routine with the language. The woman, the pharmacist, said, ok, which language do you want, English? And I said, yes please! (So glad that she didn't say German? English?). We talked about my sore throat, my cough, my exhaustion. She reached under the counter and came out with Maxflu and another product. I could feel my eyes grow wide. I asked her which is better. She said, Maxflu and put the other one away. Maxflu I can now say is great and will restore you from a cold after 36 hrs if you take it every 6 hrs. Then I asked about a thermometer. Then the issue of ferenheight to celcius. She said, you are ok to 38, and then after that, you need to see a doctor. Great. Oh, thank goodness for sales interactions of all kinds.

Zlatni Rat

2006-09-07T11:00:00.000-05:00

the beach and friends ...

Franck

2006-09-06T02:26:00.000-05:00

This time, there is less of the unknown. I know where to go, when, what I like, what I can expect. I lived here in 2002-03, around the corner.
This morning, I walk in my flip-flops, jeans and t-shirt, becuase it is still pretty warm here in Zagreb, even though school has started and the islands are free from tourists, to the cafe next door and take home a cafe au lait and later bring back a few hours later the empty cup that says "Franck" after the brand of coffee.
The woman who makes the coffee this morning asked, cafe au lait, and I said yes, and then she said, with a smile, which is really rare here in small social interactions, how are you, and I said, well I am pretty good, it isn't hot yet, but I really haven't woken up yet. I think that was somewhat obvious and the reason she was smiling. I still don't know what is waiting for me here this year.
In today's paper, there is an article about the remake of a very popular Yugoslav era television series, "Pozorišta u kući." It will be filmend in Belgrade, just like before, and broadcast on Croatian tv, starting in october. It will star Croatian actors. It is about a family, and Tarik Filipovic will play the father. It suggested that the new show will deliver some of what the old one did: laughs and satire, what people need and like. It didn't say if, in the new edition, the actors change, or how.
Here are some photos of my living room/dining room/working area in my apartment at Klaiceva 14 in Zagreb.

Novi Val

2006-07-30T23:52:00.000-05:00

The truth has something to do with losing our naivete: there is no Santa Claus, your best friend is screwing your high school boyfriend, you can't handle mixing pot and booze. They ask us to reorient our view of ourselves and our relationships: my parents are deceptive, I still love my presents; my best friend is a slut, my boyfriend is a jerk, and I am dumb; I'm a lush, not a stoner. Here is one for marketing academics: there was consumer culture in state socialism; fashion isn't exclusive to capitalism, class happens in other places.

Here are a few links, the first one to a song I like very much, "A sta da radim" by Azra, released in 1979. They are from Zagreb, they were the leaders of Zagreb's New Wave scene in that period. There is a great rockumentary about this scene is Sretno dijete (The Happy Child) directed by Igor Mirkovic, 2003. I'm not sure how this relates to any of the first paragraph. Maybe because this is the audio I will use at an upcoming conference.

So, enjoy the music, cya.

Holiday at Osco

2005-04-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

Do you have a place that you can easily visit and when you are there you feel southed? There is a combination of sensations there: light, sound, scenes, that feels good. You want to think of vacations, Pawley's Island or Kiawa if you are from the Southeast, or Cape Cod if you are from the Northeast, or a mountain top if you are from the Northwest, or the Great Lakes / Door County Wisconsin if you are from the Mid-west. Now that I live in the midwest I have to adjust to new concepts of places for holiday, not the drama of the coast, the cool attitude of the east or chill-out west. I learned that Dorr Country Wisconsin has a prestige and beauty in the imagination of people from Illinois. In my imagination it is flat and boring, on land and off. There is no difference between staying on the porch and looking at the view and actually participating in the water because the lake is also calm and flat. This is not the place for me, I need the water to feel different, especially salt on my skin, especially if it stays on until I scrub in a shower, and I need to feel weightless or excited by the possibility of drowning or swimming to the horizon, just swimming off. I am born in Portugal and I am sure that this is where I have my sense of adventure, love of sea, and why I stare at the horizon when I go to the coast.
Beyond this there is the everyday escape, the place to run off. For me it isn't always the memories of the coast. I like to visit Osco, the drugstore. Don't laugh, just remember what it is like to go there, or walk through with me. It has some components of a holiday... The soundtrack, I really like it, so that is one good sensation. The isles are neatly arranged, and especially the beauty section has lots of colours neatly arranged. I like the colors and the order, I feel calm. I like to look at them as possibilities. Would I like this, who would I be if I wore this bright purple eyeshadow... whom would I want to see that identity. The lighting is florescent, but not so bad. I can satisfy a need there, find what I want and probably it is reasonably priced. It feels good there. It is my escape place.