We feel anger and we want to fight. Afterwards, we ask, was it worth it, what was it about? Usually, it is about nothing related to the topic of the fight. Is it worth it? Are you trying to achieve something with your emotions?What is the it? It is usually energy spent.
You ask yourself, I am angry, so what do I do with it? Does it make sense to be angry at someone and be all alone. Is it worth the energy it takes to confront them, to go to the next level? Are they worth it? Maybe you confront them for yourself. As in my case today, showing anger is a way to communicate. To say, this is my limit, and do not go past it.
The other party will always say in reply, "But I didn't mean it." And then it makes you look as if you overreacted to nothing. However, we react to what was said, and it always refers to our own feelings about our selves and our lives at that moment. So it is stupid to say, "I didn't mean it." See all the emotional work that goes into anger?
Then, I have to reply, really, you didn't mean what you said, or its implied meaning, then why did you say anything at all? What is your real agenda here and why are you leaving me to figure it out. And I think, is that why I am angry? I am not sure what sense we can make of our emotions.
I have heard anger, like all emotions, always involve shame and keeping face. If someone says "I didn't mean it that way," is that like trying to take away the legitimacy of their anger? You might clear up your position by saying that, save your face, but is it really going to help the angry person? They, too, need to save face. They may or may not want to go to the next leave with their anger, which is violence. What is the next step from anger, one that isn't violent? How do you both save face? Can you?
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